When what I saw didn't look anything like what God told me.

My water broke at 10 p.m. I arrived at the hospital around 11 p.m. For context, this was my third time giving birth, and I really did not want any medication, simply because I don't like the feeling of being out of control and I am not the biggest fan of needles. Now, I am not knocking medicated births at all. In fact, after what I have been through these past three births, I totally see why women get epidurals because GIRL, I get it. But I really wanted to have another unmedicated birth.

When I arrived at triage, they did their routine check since my water had broken and then informed me that I was not actually in labor. I was only about 2 cm dilated. I couldn't believe it. If you know anything about unmedicated birth, you know that going to the hospital too early can increase your chances of intervention. Once your water breaks, you are on a clock before doctors may recommend inducing labor if things aren't progressing. And Pitocin? Chile. It forces your body into labor and can make the contractions much more intense. The chances of eventually needing an epidural can also become much higher. I knew all of this, and immediately, I felt myself giving up on my dream of having a third unmedicated birth.

What made it even crazier was that I had already been in prodromal labor for three days. I was exhausted. My body had been contracting for days, I had experienced bleeding, and I genuinely could not understand how my body had not progressed much. After all those contractions, I started crying and telling my husband, "We should have taken our time before coming to the hospital." I felt the disappointment sink in.

But then I closed my eyes and told the Lord, "Alright God, I'm disappointed, but I give my birth plan and the idea of what I think this should look like to You." And I felt Him whisper, "What will you believe? What I told you or what you see in front of you?"

Now Let Me Take Y'all Back A Month

About a month before giving birth, I was talking to a friend about wanting another unmedicated birth. I told her I would love to have another unmedicated experience, but ultimately, I would be okay with whatever God gave me. She asked me, "Have you prayed about it?"

I said no. I told her that I was grateful God had allowed me to have two unmedicated births already and, honestly, I would be shocked if it happened a third time. Then she said something that really made me sit with myself: "It sounds like you don't feel worthy of a third unmedicated birth."

This hit me because I realized that somewhere along the way, I had started believing that maybe God wouldn't do it again for me. That two was more than enough, and who was I to ask God for more than that? Shortly after this conversation, I started praying into the kind of birth I wanted and began to believe a little bit more. It wasn't too long after that that I had this impression from the Lord that my labor would be quick.

My previous two labors had been fast, but extremely painful and honestly shocking to my body afterward. Nonetheless, I had gotten what I didn't even know to ask for both times. But now I was sitting in a hospital room at 2 cm, exhausted from three days of prodromal labor, wondering if I had heard Him correctly.

Trust God.

My doula had been with me from the moment I stepped into triage. She was also saved, and I could feel her interceding for me the entire time. She was praying over me, my husband, the nurses, the room, and the baby. At one point, she simply looked at me and said, "Trust God."

After I was admitted around midnight, my doula asked if it was okay for her to play a spiritual birthing track. Normally, music and sounds overstimulate me during labor. I usually want silence. But for some reason, I felt like I needed to tell her to keep the music going. It was this classical rhythm with a supernatural flow to it. The woman on the track was instructing the listener to command her body through the power of the Holy Spirit to give birth. She spoke Scripture over me and prayed. At one point, she began praying in the Spirit, and during some of the most intense contractions I have ever experienced, I found myself doing the same.

When I got into my labor and delivery room, my doula kept telling me, "Breathe and trust God." She gave me the peanut ball the hospital provided and encouraged me to use it to help my body progress. I had to lay down in the bed because my body was so exhausted from those three days of prodromal labor, but I also knew I couldn't just lay there and do nothing. My water had broken, the clock was ticking, and I knew interventions could eventually be recommended if my body didn't progress.

So I breathed, laid on the bed, and in faith prayed for contractions to come. I remember watching the clock in front of me, wondering how long this could go on. The room was silent and there was no progression happening. It felt as if my labor had completely ceased. My doula even decided to take a nap and wait things out.

1 A.M. to 3 A.M.

From 1 a.m. to 3 a.m., the contractions slowly intensified. It wasn't too long before I was in excruciating pain. But for the first time ever, I felt God instructing me to close my eyes and become completely in tune with His Spirit as He took me through each contraction. He started giving me these strange visualizations as my husband rubbed my back.

Each contraction looked like a roller coaster. It would rise and rise until it reached the tipping point, and then it would come back down. I had never experienced anything supernatural like this before. I could hear Him telling me to relax my shoulders, relax my jaw, and breathe. Every once in a while, I would open my eyes and see my doula pacing back and forth throughout the hospital room, interceding.

Meanwhile, my contractions were so intense that the nurse came in twice asking if I was okay because she could see the monitor spiking so frequently.

God, What Are You Doing?

At 3 a.m., they checked me, and I had barely progressed. The same nurse who had been checking me seemed so surprised because she had watched me progress significantly for two hours. I told her, "You'll know I'm in full-blown labor and ready to push once I start throwing up."

Another nurse did the cervical check and looked at me and said, "Still around 2 cm." I was in so much pain that I couldn't even speak. My body was working SO HARD, and yet there was supposedly no progress.

I remember thinking, "God, what are You doing? This is crazy. How could my body be working this hard with no progress?"

That same nurse told me, "When I return, we can discuss Pitocin and an epidural to try to speed things up since you're still around 2 cm."

And again, I felt God say, "Just trust Me."

At this point, because the pain was so severe, I realized I might not be able to deliver naturally since I was only at 2 cm with this much pain. I just knew I might actually need the epidural sooner rather than later.

Then my doula felt me slowly giving up and looked at me and said, "Command your cervix to open in Jesus' name."

So I did, in faith.

Literally within minutes, I let out the loudest roar that sent nurses rushing into the room to see what the commotion was. They soon realized that I was pushing. They immediately instructed me to stop because it was dangerous to be pushing at only 2 to 3 cm dilated. I told them I couldn't stop and was screaming.

I could see the confusion on their faces because just 20 minutes earlier, there wasn't much progression. One nurse kept saying to another, "I just checked her. There's no way."

After much insistence, I listened to the nurses and turned onto my back so they could check me. Sure enough, the baby's head was right there. Two other nurses ran into the room and were instructed to get everything because a baby was coming within minutes.

I started pushing on my own as they scrambled to get all the necessary equipment ready for the delivery. At one point, it was just a nurse at my bedside with my husband and doula holding my hands. I pushed by myself because my body was telling me there was absolutely no time to wait. The doctor didn't even make it in time, and the nurses had to deliver her.

Four pushes later, at 3:45 a.m., my baby was here.

My third baby.

My third unmedicated birth.

The very thing I had convinced myself was too good to ask God for again.

And yet, He did it.

What Will You Believe?

I keep thinking about that question God asked me in that hospital room: "What will you believe? What I told you or what you see in front of you?"

Because what I saw looked completely different from what I thought God had told me. I saw 2 cm. God saw the finish line. I saw exhaustion. He saw strength. I saw my birth plan falling apart. He saw an answered prayer.

And honestly, I think this is bigger than my birth story.

How many times do we do this? God gives us a promise, a dream, a desire, a calling, or simply asks us to trust Him. Then life happens, and we start fixating on what we see in front of us instead of what He said.

We walk by faith and not by sight. I was feeling something happening in my body. I felt it all, yet I was being told by the natural circumstances that nothing was progressing. I didn't need to know how my labor was going to progress. I just needed to trust Him through the next contraction. He would eventually get my cervix to open. The pain wasn't in vain. At some point, the pain would turn into progression, which would eventually yield the promise.

Did you read that right?

Your pain may look like it's all for nought, but eventually it can cause you to progress into your promise.

My baby was the thing God promised me that would come, and there were moments where the contractions, the pain, felt completely pointless. But God.

God's grace has carried me through some of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And that night, He reminded me again that His grace is enough.

So, girl, whatever you are looking at today that doesn't look anything like what God told you, don't let what you see make you forget what He said.

We walk by faith, and not by sight.

I love you girl.

Your reminder to live by His grace, because it is enough.

What will you believe? What I told you or what you see in front of you?

Your daily reminder to live by His grace, because it is enough.